Transformational Role Play · Online or in person at Bodhi Creek
Set down the weight of a relationship you've been carrying
Some conversations feel impossible. The other person won't listen, can't be reached, or is no longer alive. In a Transformational Role Play, I step into their role so you can say what you need to say, hear what you've been longing to hear, and leave with more peace, clarity, and choice.
Applying is confidential and doesn't commit you to anything.
If this relationship is still with you, you're not alone
You care about people. You may spend your days serving your family, your clients, your community, or the world. And yet there is one relationship that still takes up room inside you.
- You keep rehearsing a conversation you dread having, or one you wish had gone differently.
- You've tried to talk with them, and it ends in the same painful place every time.
- The other person is estranged, unwilling, or no longer alive, so the conversation can't happen the usual way.
- You've done a lot of inner work, and this one still gets under your skin.
- You'd love to show up with calm, clear presence the next time you see them.
Carrying this takes energy. It's the same energy you'd love to give to the people and the work you care about most.
What becomes possible
Be heard at last
Receive empathy as if it came from the other person. This is often the moment something in you finally softens.
Understand them
Gain insight into how the other person may be seeing and experiencing things, without having to agree with them.
Find your words
Get modeling and coaching on what to say and how to say it — or how to hold it when a real dialogue isn't possible.
Feel ready
Practice the conversation. You want calm power instead of dread.
Lighten the load
Leave with more clarity, peace, hopefulness, and choice about what you do next, whether or not you ever talk with them again.
Keep integrating
We'll have an integration call, and if you record your session you can watch it later. You get even more insights watching it from a place of clearer perspective.
(Recording your session is optional)
How a Transformational Role Play works
This is a process I learned directly from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). You bring the relationship. I bring the container and the skills.
Most role plays move through three phases, and sometimes the first phase is all that's needed. I'll walk you through each phase on our discovery call, so you know exactly what to expect before you decide anything.
You don't need to know NVC, and you don't need to be good at acting. This is not performative in any way — just a way of sinking into the conversation, in a safe and skillful space.
Your job is to let yourself have your experience — feel what you feel — and to let me guide the process. It's like we're getting in a raft together, and the river knows where it's going. I'm the experienced river guide.
What people say about working with me
“My friendships and business relationships have been strengthened as a result of Alan’s teachings and insights.”
“Working with Alan Rafael Seid has made a significant difference in how I present myself to the world. I used to avoid certain conversations that were tough for me, which in turn would cause friction or distance in that particular relationship.
Since learning about presence, empathy, connection and how to focus on each other’s needs in a given situation, I have learned to approach those tough conversations from a place of love and connection. My friendships and business relationships have been strengthened as a result of Alan’s teachings and insights.
Alan is not only a great coach and trainer, but he is an amazing role model for what he teaches.”
~ Kim Reddington, Entrepreneur, Technology Expert, Business Coach, Mom, Wife, Daughter
“From working with Alan I now communicate my truths with confidence and in a way that brings me closer to people.”
“From working with Alan I now communicate my truths with confidence and in a way that brings me closer to people. I also am now known by my peers and family as a great listener and am someone who they entrust with their raw feelings and experiences.
Thank you, Alan, for building up my ability to show up and be proud in my honesty and empathy. I needed these abilities: for my initiation into true adulthood, in my growth journey to arrive at more wholeness, joy, and connection, and to add depth to my relationships. Plus, I’ve gained a genuine friend and mentor.”
~ David Neinstein, Business Founder and Community Developer
“Transformative in a way that I could not have foreseen — combines structure and direction with empathy and kindness in a way that engages heart and mind to find pathways through professional and personal challenges”
“Working with Alan has been transformative in a way that I could not have foreseen. I began the work to deal with some blocks and issues around money as I start a new social enterprise, but have found that that was a first step in a much deeper journey into understanding myself and how I see myself in the world. Alan is a pleasure to work with and combines structure and direction with empathy and kindness in a way that engages heart and mind to find pathways through professional and personal challenges that build confidence. He delivers all of it with profound listening, warmth and humour. I recommend him unreservedly.”
~ Jane Murray, Lawyer, Investor, Nonprofit Founder – London, England
“Your workshop helped immensely.”
“Alan, my sincerest appreciation for you and your abilities to provide me with some skills to more effectively, healthfully communicate with my children. Your workshop has helped immensely. After only 6 weeks I am more aware of how I experience the world, people, and myself in a more healthful, positive and intelligent manner than before your class.
Compassion and empathy has always been difficult for me to express and provide. Your experience and crafted guidance along with the support and security of the group has helped me transition my perspectives and approach, in general, and with some serious immediate issues.”
~ Tom Brenton, Principal, Azimuth Homes, Live Workshop Series Participant
“My experience has been profoundly deep and very practical.”
“I often hold Alan (with his calm and intentional way of being) in my mind when I am getting my creative juices flowing on how I might approach a communication challenge – and it has always helped. I thought I would get something from the course that would help me on a ‘surface level’ but my experience has been profoundly deep and very practical. I am very grateful.”
~ Cindi Landreth, Vice-President, A1 Builders and Adaptations Design Studio
Two ways to do this work
Both use the same process. On our discovery call, we'll decide together which one fits you best.
Online on Zoom
A three-hour role play from wherever you are.
- Prep call (15 to 45 minutes)
- Three-hour role play on Zoom
- Recording of your session
- Optional 30-minute debrief call
Investment: $1,200
In person at Bodhi Creek
A full day: the role play, plus integration time, including time in nature.
- Prep call (15 to 60 minutes), including talking about travel and logistics
- A full day at Bodhi Creek: about three hours in the morning, a catered lunch, and about three hours in the afternoon, including time on the land
- Recording of your session (optional)
- Integration call (30 to 90 minutes), one to two weeks later
Investment: $4,500
Or reserve your day with $2,400 and pay the balance by the morning of your session. I hold only one person per day at Bodhi Creek, so dates are limited.
Why in person, on the land
Bodhi Creek is my home in the forested foothills of Washington State's North Cascades, near Mount Baker. I've lived here, in a small intentional community, since 2002.
When you come here, you step out of your daily life and into a place made for slowing down. Because the work is deep, you give yourself quiet time in the forest, by the creek, or by the pond, so the experience has space to integrate.
The nature on this land is inspiring and healing. It might be the sound of the creeks or the giant trees. You'll know what I mean when you come here.
For this experience, you arrange your own travel and lodging, and I'll send you suggestions for places to stay nearby. The day happens rain or shine. If you would like more support with this, please reach out!
If you decide that you want something more customized — tailored to you, and with a higher level of service — please let me know on our call.
Is this right for you?
This is likely a good fit if you…
- want to change something in yourself and in how you relate, not only to “fix” the other person
- are willing to feel what comes up and to be guided
- have enough stability and support in your life to do emotionally deep work
- are ready to invest in your own peace
It's probably not the right time if you…
- are in an acute crisis or feel unsafe right now
- are in an active legal conflict with the other person, such as a lawsuit, divorce, or custody case. This is not a deal-breaker, but a role play isn't always the right fit, and timing is everything
- are looking for therapy or medical treatment
If that's where you are, I'm glad to point you toward support that fits better.
About me
I go by Rafa Kalapa, though still also known as Alan Rafael Seid. I'm an author, transformational coach, facilitator, and mediator — and have been researching and integrating personal and professional development skills and modalities for nearly 40 years.
I began studying Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in 1995 — primarily with its founder, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg — and have been a CNVC Certified Trainer since 2003. Since then, I've worked with individuals, couples, families, and organizations on every continent except Antarctica.
Out of nearly 1,000 Certified Trainers in the world, PuddleDancer Press, the publisher of Marshall Rosenberg's books, has selected me to write their monthly newsletter feature article, which then becomes a page on their website — as of this writing totaling over 85 articles.
In 2025 I taught a course titled The Art of the NVC Role Play to over 100 Certified Trainers and Certification Candidates.
I am not only a recognized expert in this field, I specialize in this magical art form called the Transformational Role Play.
Relationships can be challenging, gritty, and tender. I'm good at this work because of my combination of skill honed over decades and the care cultivated through working with hundreds of humans.
I know this territory personally, too. It's sacred to me, and I feel honored every time someone invites me into their world in this way.
And now I get to invite you into my world to do this work among the giant trees and flowing creeks of my special corner of The Great Northwest.
How to begin
- Apply. Fill out a short, confidential questionnaire about your situation.
- Talk with me. Book a 45-minute discovery call on Zoom right after you apply. It's at no cost and doesn't commit you to anything.
- Choose your format. If it's a fit, we'll choose online or in person and pick your date.
- Prepare. We have a prep call so you arrive ready.
- Your role play. We do the work together.
- Integrate. A follow-up call and your recording help the changes take root.
Questions you may have
Is this therapy?
No. A Transformational Role Play is a guided communication and personal-growth process. It isn't therapy or medical care, and I'm not a licensed mental-health provider. Many people find it works well alongside therapy.
What if the other person has died, or we no longer have contact?
This work can help with present or past relationships, whether or not the other person is still alive and whether or not you're in contact with them.
Will the other person be involved or find out?
No. They aren't present, and what you share stays confidential, except where the law requires otherwise or someone is at serious risk of harm.
Do I need to know NVC or be good at role play?
No. I guide the whole process. Your part is to be honest about what you feel and what matters to you.
What happens on the discovery call?
We talk for about 45 minutes on Zoom about your situation and what you'd love to be different. I explain the three phases, answer all your questions, and ask some of my own. Together we see whether this work is a good fit. The call is at no cost and doesn't commit you to anything.
How do I choose between online and in person?
If you want, we can decide together on the discovery call. In person can be a good choice when the relationship is long, layered, or high-stakes, or when time away from home and in nature would support you.
Why does it cost what it does?
You receive focused, one-on-one work with someone who has practiced this for three decades, plus preparation and follow-up. It may help to weigh it against what this relationship is costing you now in energy, sleep, and peace of mind. If the price is a barrier, please tell me on our call.
Will my session be recorded?
Only if you want it to be. I recommend it, because re-watching from a calmer place supports integration and clarity. I never share a recording without your written permission. On Zoom, you can record it on your end if your hardware allows it - so this way you would be the only one with a copy of the recording.
Where is Bodhi Creek, and where do I stay?
Bodhi Creek is in the foothills east of Bellingham, Washington, on the way to Mount Baker. You arrange your own travel and lodging, and I'll send you suggestions for places to stay nearby. I recommend booking refundable travel.
What if I need to change my date?
For an in-person day, you can reschedule once at no cost with at least 14 days' notice. The full cancellation policy is on the checkout page, and I'm happy to go over it on our call.
What if it gets too intense?
You're in charge of your pace. You can pause or stop at any time, and I'll check in with you throughout. Strong feelings are a normal part of this work, and I'm with you the whole way.
Imagine how it would feel to set this down
You don't have to keep carrying this relationship the way you have been. If something in you is ready, the next step is a short application and a no-cost conversation with me. We'll see together whether this is right for you.
Warmly,
~Rafa
© Rafa Kalapa & Kalapa Wisdom School